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Early Signs of My Mental Illness, or Just Afraid of the Dark

"I just had no idea what was going on. I thought it was normal."



When I was a little kid, I was unbelievably paranoid, and I was even having a few hallucinations, that there was a sniper outside of my window or that a hurricane was going to start out of nowhere.

Whenever I was in the dark, for some reason, it’s like billions of little tiny dots kind of right next to each other, and they would actually form into shapes and like faces and attack me, and when I was a little kid, I just had no idea what was going on. I thought it was normal. But as I got older and older, I found that the paranoia and the delusions were getting worse, along with the visual hallucinations.

But I think my parents did kind of realize that I was, at nighttime, a bit more afraid than your average kid. I don't think they ever thought too much of it, but yeah. As I got closer to and into high school, the more I started relaying ideas like these to my friends, like, "Oh yeah, do you also deal with this?" Constantly hearing "No, I have no idea what you’re talking about", is when a light bulb went off in my head. Like "Hey, there might actually be something wrong."

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